In Which I Write Some Letters

I've been composing a lot of letters lately. Some of them are thank-you notes from my Bat Mitzvah, others are mental letters to various people. I thought I'd share some of them with you.

Dear family whose son hates me even though we've been classmates forever and our families are friends, 

Thank you for your gift. It was nice to see you at my Bat Mitzvah. I'm sorry your son hates me, but there are a lot of better reasons to hate me than just because I'm annoying. I'm also a know-it-all, whiney, and egotistical. But thanks for coming to my Bat Mitzvah. 

Sincerely, Cupcake

 And another.

Dear Maybelline,

Why is it your job to tell me and every other teenage girl who is exposed to any sort of advertisement that we're ugly and we have to use your mascara, cream, eyeshadow, lipstick, or whatever other gunk you make to be pretty? Please stop.

Sincerely, Cupcake 

And...

Dear friends of my grandparents who I don't know,

Thank you for coming to my Bat Mitzvah. Thank you for your gift. I would appreciate it more if I knew who you were, but thanks anyway. I look forward to seeing you at the next family event you are invited to.

Sincerely, Cupcake 

Just one more.

Dear Nicki Minaj and Ke$ha,

Why?

Sincerely, Cupcake 

 

Just some thoughts I have frequently. What letters would you like to write?